Well the semester is coming to an end so here we go. Divorce! bleh.
Did you know woman are more likely to ask for a divorce then men? Generally in the heat of the moment or when they are already emotional. Some men don't even realize anything is wrong. After about 2 years most men have already remarried, much to the ex wifes dismay. Normally about 2 years after the divorce 70% of people realize they could have and should have saved their marriage. They all kind of regret it. There is a chance the woman want to get back with her ex husband but that's often not possible since he is generally remarried.
The most common reasons people give for divorce are finances, they fall out of love, they have problems communicating, and every once in a while infidelity.
for many people the problem is that they don't know how to make decisions together. and for many its actually a matter of perception. What they see is happening even if that isn't really whats happening. when it comes to trying to convey how your feeling the best way is to not blame or get angry because that just makes people defensive. If you can convey what your feeling without blaming it creates compassion.
Remarriage. These familys can be difficult when there is children because you cant just expect the children to give up what they know and many hope someday their parents will get back together so it may take them a while to be ok with a blended family like that. yuuuppp most of this in class was a scenario about a girl whos father died when she was 15. Her and her mother got unnaturally close so when she married a young man who wanted to start a family of their own the mother kept over stepping boundaries that should not be crossed. So the husband began drinking to drown his sarrows and pain, the wife divorced him, attempted to turn the kids against him. Eventually he got remarried and him and his new wife wanted to try to have the family the guy had always wanted but because of the childrens mother and their hope that their family would become one again it didn't go as planned. The new wife then wanted a child of their own but the husband just wanted to focus on the kids he already had. This caused a whole new set of problems. All while the ex wife was just hurting. that's pretty much all we discussed
Now aging! there aren't a lot of study's on older couples because the transitions are less defined.
Adolescence is between the time your body is sexually mature enough to reproduce and the time when your economically mature. Once the last adolescent has left the house the couple become empty nesters. Some empty nesters say that its hard at first but is a second chance at feeling like newlyweds. They now have the freedom to go where they want and the finances to do what they want because they no longer have anyone else to take care of each other. Some couples love this, its another time to rediscover each other and why they fell in love. Some couples it drives insane and sometimes even to divorce because they don't know what to do with themselves anymore.
Its especially hard for couples who never have children because their lives are pretty much the same the entire marriage and they miss out on many experiences. When you do have children though you hope they have kids and give you grandkids. When becoming a grandparent one of the hardest things to do is find the boundaries between parent and grandparent because if your children are able, you really need to let them raise their own kids and make their own mistakes. But some parents are not able. 11% of grandparents in the US become a parental figure to their grandchildren. Many find themselves wiser, more relaxed, and more involved then when they were parents to their own children because they now have experience.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
parenting . . mostly abortion.
This week we talked a lot about parenting and the different trends that have become normal, including one in particular that is very tough for me to speak about because it is such a touchy topic and I am so passionate about it, abortion.
Now we will get to abortion rather quickly but lets start with the current parenting trends.
*delay in having children
*Fewer or no children over all
*Nannies/day care/someone else taking care of the kids
*More children born out of wedlock
*abortion
The delay in children often comes from getting married later and their are many reasons people often don't have children but many of those come up when we talk about abortion.
Nannies etc. come from woman going into the work force and being so busy now a days. That or people just don't want to raise their kids but wanna have the fun part? possibley.
We all know how children are born out of wedlock. Compared to our grandparents and earlier there is a decline in morals and its ok to sleep around a bit before getting married, if ever. Not judging at all, its your choice, but it doesn't fit with the things I believe.
And now to the tough one. Did you know that abortion often causes depression, substance abuse, and all those things that go along with those? it does. That little baby inside of you is a part of you for a while. You created it and your connected there for not only does it hurt that little childs soul it hurts the mothers spirit as well.
From what I understand, and there may be different reasons too but from what I know woman get abortions becasue
-they don't want to get close to the baby then have to give it up
-they don't want the physical changes having a child brings to her body
-so the baby doesn't have to live through this world (a kind of saving the baby by killing it)
-The mother was raped, dying, would die if she went through child birth etc.
-The mother doesn't want people to know
-The mother and father don't think they are ready for children yet (they can always have kids later right? not always . . . )
-The mother of the mother wants her to get an abortion.
The statistic is in 1950 woman who got pregnant before marriage 50% would get married, 49% would give the baby up for adoption and 1% would abort the baby. In the year 2000 50% get married 49% have an abortion, and only 1% give that baby up for adoption.
This is very sad to me. . . I may be young but I have been through a lot and witnessed plenty. Babys are a blessing. They are not the sin, a consequence or the problem. Pro choice activists say that it should be the woman's choice what she does, after all its her body. No. Her choice was to have sex. The woman knows she could get pregnant or get STDs so when she chooses to have sex she is accepting that these things might happen. That is her choice because the baby has no choice in any of it.
They only time it would be expectable to abort a baby, in my opinion is when the circumstance is rape. In rape the mother was not having sex willingly, it was not her choice, she was not willing to deal with the consequences and it was not what she wanted. It is also quite traumatic. though I find it expectable there is still the opportunity to have the baby and give it up to adoption. It wasn't the baby's fault that the mother was raped either . . .
I understand that there are some that are not ready to have children in their lives yet but consider that you may never be able to get pregnant again. There was a couple that came to my teacher and they were upset. They had gotten pregnant before they were married and in college. They both weren't ready for a baby at that time but the wife would have been ok having the baby. The husband, so busy with school, convinced her to abort the baby. 20 something years later they were married and ready to bring a child into the world. They hadn't been able to get pregnant except for that one little child they had aborted so many years ago. They then regreted what they had done.
Consider that even if you can their are couples out their yearning for the joy a baby brings to the family but can not have one.
I have a very good friend who could not have children. She wanted a child so badly. She would take the girls from church under her wing because its the closest thing she had to children of her own. It was so hard for her that she couldn't have kids. but adoption can be expensive and take a very long time. There are plenty of familys our their that would love to take in the children and take good care of them, they know that babys are blessings. Blessings they themselves can not create.
The last thing is what if someday you do have kids? what if you tell them or they find out that you once had an abortion? Those children will most likely wonder if you had thought about aborting them. Why were they so special? why wasn't it them? they begin to devalue their life because it seems as though it was so easy for the first child to be terminated. They realize it could have been them. What if it could have been you?
Now we will get to abortion rather quickly but lets start with the current parenting trends.
*delay in having children
*Fewer or no children over all
*Nannies/day care/someone else taking care of the kids
*More children born out of wedlock
*abortion
The delay in children often comes from getting married later and their are many reasons people often don't have children but many of those come up when we talk about abortion.
Nannies etc. come from woman going into the work force and being so busy now a days. That or people just don't want to raise their kids but wanna have the fun part? possibley.
We all know how children are born out of wedlock. Compared to our grandparents and earlier there is a decline in morals and its ok to sleep around a bit before getting married, if ever. Not judging at all, its your choice, but it doesn't fit with the things I believe.
And now to the tough one. Did you know that abortion often causes depression, substance abuse, and all those things that go along with those? it does. That little baby inside of you is a part of you for a while. You created it and your connected there for not only does it hurt that little childs soul it hurts the mothers spirit as well.
From what I understand, and there may be different reasons too but from what I know woman get abortions becasue
-they don't want to get close to the baby then have to give it up
-they don't want the physical changes having a child brings to her body
-so the baby doesn't have to live through this world (a kind of saving the baby by killing it)
-The mother was raped, dying, would die if she went through child birth etc.
-The mother doesn't want people to know
-The mother and father don't think they are ready for children yet (they can always have kids later right? not always . . . )
-The mother of the mother wants her to get an abortion.
The statistic is in 1950 woman who got pregnant before marriage 50% would get married, 49% would give the baby up for adoption and 1% would abort the baby. In the year 2000 50% get married 49% have an abortion, and only 1% give that baby up for adoption.
This is very sad to me. . . I may be young but I have been through a lot and witnessed plenty. Babys are a blessing. They are not the sin, a consequence or the problem. Pro choice activists say that it should be the woman's choice what she does, after all its her body. No. Her choice was to have sex. The woman knows she could get pregnant or get STDs so when she chooses to have sex she is accepting that these things might happen. That is her choice because the baby has no choice in any of it.
They only time it would be expectable to abort a baby, in my opinion is when the circumstance is rape. In rape the mother was not having sex willingly, it was not her choice, she was not willing to deal with the consequences and it was not what she wanted. It is also quite traumatic. though I find it expectable there is still the opportunity to have the baby and give it up to adoption. It wasn't the baby's fault that the mother was raped either . . .
I understand that there are some that are not ready to have children in their lives yet but consider that you may never be able to get pregnant again. There was a couple that came to my teacher and they were upset. They had gotten pregnant before they were married and in college. They both weren't ready for a baby at that time but the wife would have been ok having the baby. The husband, so busy with school, convinced her to abort the baby. 20 something years later they were married and ready to bring a child into the world. They hadn't been able to get pregnant except for that one little child they had aborted so many years ago. They then regreted what they had done.
Consider that even if you can their are couples out their yearning for the joy a baby brings to the family but can not have one.
I have a very good friend who could not have children. She wanted a child so badly. She would take the girls from church under her wing because its the closest thing she had to children of her own. It was so hard for her that she couldn't have kids. but adoption can be expensive and take a very long time. There are plenty of familys our their that would love to take in the children and take good care of them, they know that babys are blessings. Blessings they themselves can not create.
The last thing is what if someday you do have kids? what if you tell them or they find out that you once had an abortion? Those children will most likely wonder if you had thought about aborting them. Why were they so special? why wasn't it them? they begin to devalue their life because it seems as though it was so easy for the first child to be terminated. They realize it could have been them. What if it could have been you?
Interesting
So we were supposed to be talking about fathers this last week but what I thought was interesting was actually an article we were supposed to read called "Does a full time home maker swap her mind for a mop?" It talked about how many look down on woman who decide to be a stay at home mom instead of going out and getting an education, being successful in a career in the workforce, and "living a fulfilling life". Many think that you just stop learning and growing when you decide to stay home and take care of your family because you don't go to school or necessarily talk to adults other then your husband but none of that has to be true.
The only job Ive ever truly wanted is to be a mother. I am working on a degree of course and so I will be prepared to work if its necessary but once I have children I want to be able to raise them, In my mind its the most important job a woman could have, and for me the only fulfilling one. A mother is a driving force and these children we are bringing into the world are our future, Our Countries futures, the Planets future. They are important. I know for a fact they learn a lot from the example and love their mothers show. A child who feels totally loved and knows their mother will always be their is healthier then a child with parental issues. Fathers are of course important too but they have a different kind of connection with the children. It was the mother who carried them for 9 months and went through excruciating pain to bring them here.
A perfect example of a successful mother is my own. She has stayed home to take care of us our entire lives. Even though I am no longer living at home she still sends me packages all the time and I am constantly getting flowers from her and my father. My mother has friends and is active in our church. Serving others constantly and the best she can. She takes fantastic care and is patient with my brother who is said to have a learning disability and my sister who is hard headed, stubborn and knows what she wants. She has become a psychotherapist, a reki master, and continues to read, learn, and develop skills and talents in her free time, either that or shes helping someone or hanging out with us. My mother has learned to multi task like no other and she still helps my dad out at work by planning the work parties and taking lunch to the manager meetings once a month. My mother is a home maker but my mother is one of the wisest, smartest, happiest, most giving, amazing, selfless, accomplished, wonderful people I know! Now tell me woman shouldn't stay home. I wouldn't have this amazing relationship with my mother is she wasn't home with me after, during, and before school or whenever else I needed her. She was always there, always home, If I didn't wanna be a alone I didn't half to be and my mother and I are best friends because of it.
The only job Ive ever truly wanted is to be a mother. I am working on a degree of course and so I will be prepared to work if its necessary but once I have children I want to be able to raise them, In my mind its the most important job a woman could have, and for me the only fulfilling one. A mother is a driving force and these children we are bringing into the world are our future, Our Countries futures, the Planets future. They are important. I know for a fact they learn a lot from the example and love their mothers show. A child who feels totally loved and knows their mother will always be their is healthier then a child with parental issues. Fathers are of course important too but they have a different kind of connection with the children. It was the mother who carried them for 9 months and went through excruciating pain to bring them here.
A perfect example of a successful mother is my own. She has stayed home to take care of us our entire lives. Even though I am no longer living at home she still sends me packages all the time and I am constantly getting flowers from her and my father. My mother has friends and is active in our church. Serving others constantly and the best she can. She takes fantastic care and is patient with my brother who is said to have a learning disability and my sister who is hard headed, stubborn and knows what she wants. She has become a psychotherapist, a reki master, and continues to read, learn, and develop skills and talents in her free time, either that or shes helping someone or hanging out with us. My mother has learned to multi task like no other and she still helps my dad out at work by planning the work parties and taking lunch to the manager meetings once a month. My mother is a home maker but my mother is one of the wisest, smartest, happiest, most giving, amazing, selfless, accomplished, wonderful people I know! Now tell me woman shouldn't stay home. I wouldn't have this amazing relationship with my mother is she wasn't home with me after, during, and before school or whenever else I needed her. She was always there, always home, If I didn't wanna be a alone I didn't half to be and my mother and I are best friends because of it.
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