I know, second post today.
This is all about what I have learned this week. We have been talking a lot about dating and marriage. There are different ways you can predict if a marriage will be a healthy one. A few are if the couple has the same values, same religion (same understanding and devotion), similar personality and interests. Personality can be defined as enduring personal behaviors.
Many people believe that opposites attract. This can be true, we sometimes find personality traits that we don't have, attractive in other people and some differences are necessary. We need these differences to cover each other. I am totally crazy and slightly irrational sometimes, the guy im dating right now is chill and pretty good at keeping a level head. He helps me when I get a little out of control and need a calm place to work things out. That is where differences are a good thing. If a couple has nothing in common and are completely different the marriage will at least have problems if it doesn't end completely.
When it comes to finding someone you want to date there are three rules of attraction.  The first one is propinquity, the ability to meet and have access to the person. The second is physical attraction. Its the first thing a person notices and it really is important I don't care what anyone says. The third one is behavioral attraction, a person has to be able to handle being with this other person and their personality.
Eventually when people date long enough they fall in love. There are four different kinds of love, Agape, storge, eros, and phillia. (they are greek or something so they are pronounced funny).
Agape is more of a quality of someone. Its based on intentions of doing good not feeling based. It can be likend to charity. Storge is a parent/child, sibling type relationship. A love where you wanna take care of someone, do things for them etc. Eros is the Sexual, romantic, intimate type of love. Its passionate, the kind people write songs about. Then phillia, that's the "brotherly love" the closs, friendship type love. You might think that it would be weird to have all of these kinds of love in a romantic relationship but in all actuality you need all four of them to create a healthy relationship. The eros kind of love is they type you can fall out of. It comes and goes. The phillia and agape are much harder to fall out of. you need a good balance of all of them.
In relationships there are things to be cautious of. Misattribution of arousal is basically confusing one feeling with another, such as confusing excitement with love. for example, a guy who takes a girl on a date through a haunted house. The haunted house will make her feel nervous and scared and excited while at the same time she will be hanging onto the boy who brought her there. Because of this she could misinterpreted these feelings of excitement because she was just scared half to death with the feeling that she really is very attracted to this guy.
When it comes to deciding if you and your significant other are going on dates or just hanging out look to the three Ps.
-paired off (you are responsible for your date and they for you)
-planned (you know a general idea of what your doing, where your going, and when you'll be home)
-paid for (that's pretty self explanatory, one person pays, gentleman, its usually you)
Now there are also three ps of responsibility's of husbands. we connected the 6 to each other.
-provide connects to paid for. you need money to provide for your family like you do for a date
-protect connects to paired off, you have to take care of your spouse
-preside connects to planned, those that preside over families or churches or anything much plan different activities and other such things. These are all attributes of leadership and I think most girls want a guy who can lead her family (with her help of course).

We are different. Its ok :)

Hey!
so last week I didn't get the chance to post but we learned about Gender Roles and how they effect a family.
So guys I really am sorry for all of you who believe we need to be the same, total equality for everyone, there is no difference between boys and girls besides their parts . . . there are differences, in the body and the brain.
The differences can be seen from the beginning.
 Girls are more nurturing, are better at verbal communication, they link emotions to this verbal communication (they generally have 5x more connective tissue between verbal and emotional centers in their brains), prefer nurturing play where they can create relationships and talk to each other, they are more emotional and sometimes use these emotions to solve problems, and girls are generally more relationship oriented, and are better with land marks then directions and their brain is more like a bunch of compartments. They can think of many things at once and everything is connected.
Guys on the other hand are more strong and tough. No matter what you try and teach them guys were created to be the protectors. They are taught to have no emotion, they are spacilly oriented,  play quite aggressively, and their brain is like one large room. They can only REALLY think  about one thing at once. That's why men generally make better soldiers and therapists. They can separate home and work from each other and when they get to one the problems of the other disappear.
People have tried giving their kids "gender natural" toys but generally they still go to their natural tendencies. Boys turn everything into guns. For a long time my mom was against giving my brother those plastic guns and swords. My brother still managed to turn EVERYTHING into a weapon. Food, sticks, his fingers, my babies, anything and everything. Girls turn things into baby's or houses. My teacher told a story about someone who gave their twins, a boy and a girl, both cars. Well one day they saw the little girl carrying around a bunched up blanket and the car was wrapped up in it. When they asked her what she was carrying she smiled and said "baby"
I believe that we as woman are wired to want and have and nurture children. That is our divine role.
Men are wired to provide and protect. That's the way it is and in a healthy marriage you cover each other, and teach each other to go past these natural tendencies.
Now I do agree men and women are equal but they are not the same. There is a difference between the two. Each gender has differences and roles that are equally important for a well functioning family.
Now there are some girls that when they are in the womb get this blast of estragin that makes them a little more masculine but that does not make them lesbian just because they are more into building cars then they are into makeup. And just because they have the urge and desire to go out and get a job and provide it doesn't mean that will bring them true joy and fulfillment. Its not all about whats easy or comfortable but about whats fulfilling.
I know these subjects are touchy, especially the next one. Please I do not mean to offend anyone, these are just the things ive learned. I still love and respect all kinds of people.
Along with gender roles we learned about same sex attraction. There is no conclusive evidence that its biologically predetermind. Even men and women who identify as Gay or Lesbian agree that if a person is using the "I was born this way" excuse its just a load of bull. Many times people who identify that way have been abused or have not had the kind of relationships they so desperately needed as a child with parents and or peers.
the main list of factors contributing to same sex attraction as I understand are
-sexual abuse
-wounded sence of masculentity (or femininity)
-rejection (from peers or parents or both, generally of the same sex)
-envy or jealousy (of things a person of the same sex has. for example if a man is skinny he might see a man with a lot of muscles and romanticize that feature)
-feeling inferior
-longing for attention from male peers.
-being bullied-feeling unsafe-detached from peers of the same sex
-craving positive attention from father
-over bearing mother-mother doesn't respect
-They don't get healthy interaction through touch (ex: hugs, pat on the back, ect)
-pornography addictions
Attachment problems generally lead to gender problems which lead to sexual problems. its not a problem of sexuality but a starvation of intimate relationships. Close friends, people you connect to of the same sex that you trust and can be good friends with.
Perception is everything. It doesn't matter what happens but rather how was perceive what happens. A boy whos first encounter with positive attention from other males is sexual abuse will decide he is gay. In cases like this, where the child was abused, the age the abuse started is when they decided they must be gay.
In different studies, including one done by NARTW ( National Association for research and therapy for homosexuals) Men who identify as gay have a greater chance of  Suicide, depression, violence, antisocial behavior, substance abuse, promiscuity, personality disorders, anxiety, stds, different cancers, eating disorders, high blood pressure, and heart disease.
There are three words we use when it comes to same sex attraction
same sex attraction - finding someone physically attractive of the same sex
homosexuality - they have acted upon their same sex attraction, even just as a thought.
gay - a label, a definition
That's why we have to be so careful with calling names and defining other people and ourselves. We put people in a box and they cant get out. Its dangerous.
These people can change though. Through therapy, even for something else can have an effect on the people and they become interested and attracted to the opposite sex. My teacher told a story about this as well. He was called to help a guy with depression, this boy identified as gay. After a few months of therapy for this boys depression he came in and said something was wrong, He was feeling attraction toward his friends. My teacher responded with asking why that was a problem, he had always been attracted to men. The boy responded that no he was attracted to his girl friends. By fixing some of the psychological and depression problems this boy was having it put his sexual attraction back to the way it was supposed to be.

More stuff!

    So we talked much about Diversity in the family and if it is fair to clump familys into race when studying them. Now different ways we look at diversity are
-class
-culture
-race
-socieo economic status
-ethnicity
-genetics
We used to study famiilys by their race for example "Hispanics are more likely to have big familys" but now it seems that the culture and family affect people more then their ethnicity and race. It is important to know where we came from and all that but id does not diffene who we are as much as it used to because we have so many cultures in the US. that have mixed in together so a person of Irish decent may have more of an American culure or something depending where they grew up and there for you can no longer acuratly clump familys or people of the same race together. In my mind culture plays a big part because that's what our parents teach us but the family seems to play the biggest role in who you are and how your family is when you grow up. Even if you don't like who your parents were you eventually, subconsciously become them. The things you do affect the people areound you and the things you do can last 3 or 4 generations after. Like a father who is often absent in the home, the trend generally passes down through 3 or 4 generations. Someone will hopefully finally see whats happening and decide to change that behavior. we can not underestimate your power to change family culture.
Identity comes from all these places but it also comes from maturity and experience.

Speaking of culture, I learned something interesting this week that's a little off topic but I still found it fascinating. I was talking to my friend who served his mission in Brazil. I held my arm up next to his and made a comment about how much darker he was then I and how me and my room mate were talking about going tanning. He found it funny because here we are always comparing how dark we are compared to others. In America we want to have darker skin, at least tan skin. To us its exotic and beautiful. In Brazil they compare who is lighter. They want the fair skin. When he told the people he was serving that in America we lay in boxes with special lights that make our skin darker they thought we were crazy! It was so strange to them that we try so hard to have skin that is dark. The people there with fair skin don't like to go outside and when they do they carry an umbrella so as not to tan. It really just shows that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as humans we generally want what we don't have or cant have. They are born with darker skin, they want lighter skin. We are born with lighter skin and we generally want it to be darker. Very interesting.

So this week we learned about different theories.
now I don't have much because I was only in class one day so this is what I got :)
The systems theory is basically the thought that parts of the whole are more important, that everything is interconnected. Everything we do affects each other and everyone has a role in the family weather good or bad. For example sometimes the bad child draws attention to themselves so others get along. It can be a weird thing that keeps the family together. The Parents will not fight with each other because they must be on the same side to help their child.
The second theory talks about cost vs. benefits. its called the exchange theory. For example when children do their chores their parents give them positive attention. Or for the fellow college female, making a guy food in hopes he will ask you on  a date. The amount of gratification for each person may differ and you have to find that level in order to keep everyone happy and feeling appreciated.
Another theory is symbolic interaction. This may include tone of voice, eye rolls, or any other type of indirect emotional communication. The spoken word can also affect a relationship in drastic ways even if there is nothing said. Every action sends a message. This can be dangerous because we may not realize what we are doing and what type of message it may convey to the surrounding people. Meanings can be assigned to symbols through experiences with your family, friends, and how you've grown up.
The last would be conflict theory. In this instant, one may try to control their surroundings in order to eliminate problems that may arise. This isn't necessarily bad, but you must communicate in order for the conflict to be resolved. In this process, you might find that it brings you closer together to the person or people that you are in a disagreement with at the time.